Dear Ryan

The column where I take the time to answer pressing questions that nobody asked me.  In fact, they actually asked other people, and I decided to chime in.  See how we’re all happier now?

Random Yahoo User asks:

Why doesn’t my laptop connect to the internet?

Ryan says:

That’s not a laptop, that’s a newspaper.  I suggest reading it, then using it to swat things.  Make a toy sword out of it if you’re really talented.  Also, be sure to save the funny pages for gift wrap.  That’s a classic!