Five Things I Learned from my Puppy

I presume this post will be either of very little value to people with kids, or will have them laughing uproariously at me for thinking that a wee little puppy could be such a handful. None the less, ever since rescuing the guy above back in March, I’ve had a lot less sleep and a lot more stern conversations with an audience that doesn’t exactly communicate clearly in return.

1.) Patience.

Puppies are work, or so I was told before I got one not too long ago. Damn was I foolish for doubting them. I presume this is what it’s like when 50 year old dudes decide to have more kids. It’d been ~6 years since I’d had a puppy and boy was I lying to myself about how easy it would be. The first thing I learned was to try to chill out. (Not always effective. Shit was lost. Like a shit collector with amnesia.)

2.) Rules will be broken, deal with it.

Or better yet, “who says that the rules you made before still apply?”. Indeed, one of the hardest things for me to get over was the idea of a puppy changing my life and impact the ways I was happily living it. Turns out I was mostly angry at the idea of losing some independance, and having things randomly broken, but the little guy is pretty awesome and I’m sure once we both learn how to live around each other, it will be worth a few stressful evenings.

3.) The best toys are still disposable.

Sure, last time I bought him a Mario plush it lasted for weeks before he finally tore enough parts off that the stuffing was starting to leak. That doesn’t mean that the replacement Mario plush is going to last just as long. Pfft! Round 2 took him about 5 days and it was TKO for this plumber.

4.) Make the quiet moments count.

Right now I’m sneaking this blog post in while the puppy is taking his after-dinner nap. Very shortly that nap will be followed by 10pm psycho-puppy laps while I try to calm him down before the crabby downstairs neighbor complains again.

5.) Revenge

Sometimes when people refuse to wake up and take you out, the best revenge is peeing on their floor.

As true as that is, it’s a bit cynical to how about an alternate:

5.) Just because a hair-do looks good on the puppy doesn’t mean you should emulate it.

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How many extra pageviews/shares will I get if I sneak in another cute puppy photo at the end?

Can you resist this?

Me either.

I need a dog.

Change of plans, this needs to be my goal for the immediate future.