Some Things Are Funny Even When You Forget the Details

So I had plans to offer this post as question about which of two business plans I should pursue. Unfortunately, I cannot remember all the details of one of them, despite having written it in my Treo. Guess I need to take better notes next time. Or just get a secretary….

Either way, so while I’m trying to figure what happened, here’s a transcript of the conversation I had.

Person 1: BTW, why did you say I could date girls with no hands?

Person 2: I don’t remember….. Shoot!

Person 1: Well, without that, my story about breast exams is incomplete

Person 2: Oh that’s why…. You learned how to do self-check exams in case you come across a girl with no hands you could help, duh.

Person 1: No, that was just a tie-in. You said the handless thing at the grocery store

Person 2: I thought I re-brought it up at the grocery store

Person 1: When did you first say it then?

Person 2: I have no idea now. My timeline is confused

Person 1: So, to be clear, you have a confused boob-related timeline??

Person 2:

As of press-time, I have not gotten a response to the last question, but I feel the piece speaks for itself. My favorite part is the “duh” comment, because it was totally not the right answer. Gotta love the way a response delivered with conviction almost makes you believe it. Too bad for her, there’s no way I’m forgetting the time I learned how to give a breast exam. This is a talent I’m going to make use of for years to come!

Not the Department of Redundancy Department

Since I’m sure you already noticed it on the calendar for this past weekend, Sunday was Anie’s (pronounce it however you like, she just loves the attention) B-Day. The party was on Saturday, and quite a few people were at non-sober.

Before I go any further, if you were looking here for a commemorative blog about how great Anie is and all the various reasons why she’s clearly worth the energy I spend each day coming up with new ways to con her into dating me… you’re in the wrong place.

As a further result of efforts to help the environment, Random & Awesome has decided it would be more sustainable to have everyone “carpool” over to here and read Holly’s blog on the same topic.

In my defense, I assert that Holly operates on Canadian-Time, and thus was able to beat me to the punch.

I promise to post later with some pictures from the weekend. It might be a few days as I should be switching out my laptop this week.

Games that cause Frustration, Pain and near-accidents

Everybody’s played Slug Bug at some time in their life. Simple game, you see a bug, you call it out and hit someone. It includes both winning and frivolous, mild-violence. What’s not to love?

Well, recently someone introduced me to a new game called Bruiser Cruiser.

(No, it does not involve being “cruised” by gay dudes while your dancing at Devil’s Martini. “No, thank-you for asking, but I’m just trying to enjoy my drink here…”)

Needless to say, Anie thought this was a new challenge at which she could excel and try to beat me (both literally and figuratively). Much to our mutual surprise, you would not believe the number of bugs, PT Cruiser and FJ Cruisers seen around this town.

So far the “game” (or bloodfest as I want to call it) has been going on for about three weeks and the score is 98-98.

When I reach 100 I will be righteously rewarded with a new Yankees cap. Score for me! I’m also required to say that if, by some strange means, I lose my eyesight and Anie gets to 100 first, she’s supposed to get some yarn or string or ribbon or something… I’m not really sure what all that entails, but c’mon, you think I’m really going to lose when the Yankees are on the line?

98 t0 98. That nearly 200 freakin’ bugs and cruisers seen in the last three weeks alone. Can someone try to show these trendy ass-hats how to buy a different car? Though, in fairness, the score would prolly be the same if we had a way of tracking hideously customized F150, S10 and other mini trucks, but I just can’t find a way to make it acceptable to hit someone because I saw a Durango with the Virgin Mary on the hood.

If this post has inspired you to start your own game of pain and retribution, here are a few tips I’ve come up with.

– Stay in “Game Mode”. These bastards might seem like they’re everywhere, but they actually travel in packs. Yesterday we saw eight eligible targets just between McDowell and Thomas on Central. Other hot spots: Camelback between 16th street and 32nd street, the parking lot for Safeway/Einstein’s Bagels on McDowell and 7th, the Safeway parking lot on Hayden & Chaparral, and Tempe Fucking Marketplace (can you tell who racked up the score while we were there??)

– Yes, all types of “cruisers” are allowed, but HHR’s are not. Nice of Chevy to produce a vehicle that acts as a means of losing points in this game, no? (While I wrote this I realized that I missed a point the other day when we saw an old man on a beach cruiser at a stop light. Damn it!!)

– Do not call out “Slug Bug” and notice that the car is really a Prius. You will just look dumb and lose points.

– Do not try to score traffic going in the opposite direction on the freeway. It tends to make the driver slide over into the next lane and usually leads to the Prius-problem noted above.

– Fellas, you may want to wear a cup. I’ve been punched and near-punched in the twig-and-berries at least four times. One of these I feel was not “accidental”. My counter-attack so far, put my money clip deep in my front pocket and watch her end up punching that instead of my leg.

– If things get stressful, don’t try to beat your opponent to the punch. You’ll just end up hitting the gear-shift and putting the transmission in neutral while driving down a busy road. The other cars don’t like this so much.

– If you see this thing, punch first, say “wtf” later