Dear Ryan

The column where I take the time to answer pressing questions that nobody asked me.  In fact, they actually asked other people, and I decided to chime in.  See how we’re all happier now?

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for a number of years, and were close friends before dating. We have lived together for 10 months now and pretty much act like a married couple. I feel I am ready to become engaged.

He, on the other hand, feels we should wait until his 16-year-old daughter, “Lacy,” moves out — either back with her mother or on her own. He doesn’t feel it’s “right” for us to marry before then.

We are both adults, and while I don’t want to disregard Lacy’s feelings, I think this is something WE should decide. We have told her many times that our relationship doesn’t mean Daddy loves her any less.

Something in me is beginning to think he’s just making excuses and he won’t “buy the cow” as long as he’s getting the milk for free. I feel like I am … FLOATING IN LIMBO IN DELAWARE

Dear Limbo-Champ,

So his daughter is fine with you living with the two of them, and playing house, but not fine with you two getting married?

Isn’t the typical story that the child of divorced parents holds out hope for the folks to get back together?  If his daughter is this close to adulthood and is fine with living in the house where you two do the bippity-bop together, I doubt she’s the roadblock here.

The way I see it, one of two thing could be in play here.  Either it is important to him that you two get his daughter’s blessing, or HE is the one hoping the parents get back together.

Shacking up is a commitment, marriage is a contract, unless your partner doesn’t feel the same way.  I’d try to figure out which of these is the truth and solve it.

Dear Ryan

The column where I take the time to answer pressing questions that nobody asked me.  In fact, they actually asked other people, and I decided to chime in.  See how we’re all happier now?

Should I tell the girl I love this?

I love a girl, very much. Shes liked someone else for like 3 years, but he doesn’t like her and she only thinks of me as a friend. We used to talk all the time but now we don’t. I want to go up to her Monday and just talk to her and tell her that until the day I die I am going to love her, because it’s true. I’ve never had a girlfriend before, and she is the girl I want.

so should I say this?

Dear NotAPlayaAndDoesntCrushALot,

This is a pretty classic conundrum, and one that has been gone over pretty relentlessly in classic 80’s cinema.  I recommend that the first thing you do is make yourself familiar with some of those films, especially Sixteen Candles, because it sounds like you’ve been forgotten about.

As far as what to do about this girl, I recommend doing nothing.  Forget about it and move on, because clearly this girl is into dudes who ignore her.  You paying her more attention is actually hurting your cause.  Trust me, if it’s ever going to happen, it’ll happen only after you’re seeing someone else.  Then she’ll start to wonder “why isn’t that me”.

Or you can keep tagging along, playing the Ducky role.  In the end he never got Molly Ringwald but he did upgrade and snag Buffy, so… not totally awful, but huge waste of time.

(This is Day 24 of the 30 Day Blog Challenge, be sure to check out the other participants at #30DayBC)

Dear Ryan

The column where I take the time to answer pressing questions that nobody asked me.  In fact, they actually asked other people, and I decided to chime in.  See how we’re all happier now?

Random Yahoo User asks:

Why doesn’t my laptop connect to the internet?

Ryan says:

That’s not a laptop, that’s a newspaper.  I suggest reading it, then using it to swat things.  Make a toy sword out of it if you’re really talented.  Also, be sure to save the funny pages for gift wrap.  That’s a classic!

Dear Ryan

The column where I take the time to answer pressing questions that nobody asked me.  In fact, they actually asked other people, and I decided to chime in.  See how we’re all happier now?

Dear Abby reader rights:

DEAR ABBY: I just joined a gym, and I love everything about it except for one thing — the ladies’ locker room.

I am modest so I use the private changing rooms when getting dressed. There are some women who feel very comfortable walking around in various stages of undress. Not only are they naked, they don’t think twice about bending over to get into their lockers, or standing topless while blow-drying their hair.

In a place full of mirrors, seeing all this is difficult to avoid. I don’t want to stop using the locker room because it’s convenient. Is there anything I can do, or must I put up with the peep shows? — MISS MODESTY IN PRINCETON, N.J.

My Reponse:

Dear Miss Modesty,

First off, I’d like to ask if Miss Modesty is an official title, or if you’ve just staked claim to it?  Many would consider giving yourself a nickname to be the portrait of immodesty.  But I digress…

To your point, I admit that I’m not as familiar with the Ladies’ Locker Room these days as I was during High School, but I’ll assume the basic layout persists.  At root you have an area, the locker room, where men or women feel they are surrounded by peers, people who are striving towards the same fitness goals as them.  Perhaps they’ve gotten too comfortable and let their guard down a bit much, but I’m sure that around the room, there are many more self-conscious people than there are exhibitionists. Of course, if you’re in the private stalls, you’ll never see this majority and also miss out on the traditional bonding.

We each have our own comfort levels and boundaries, but insisting that all other patrons hide the very object they are subscribing to the gym to improve sounds rather puritan.  If it were me, I’d consider what makes that person so confident and speculate how I could tap into that.